arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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