grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
