She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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