Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
