your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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