I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
