I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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