We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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