You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
not ubering you a puppy
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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