She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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