It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
