So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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