Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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