Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
