Too much gin, very little bucket
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
