Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
