party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
