stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
