Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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