Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
