that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
