I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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