ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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