Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
