i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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