Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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