I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
