The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
