throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
