woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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