i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
