I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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