The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize