I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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