is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
