are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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