I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
