Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
