Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
