dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
