it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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