but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
