Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
