you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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