i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
