mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
