OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you will always have a special place in my vag
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
