i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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