Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
