Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i believe in u and ur pee
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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