The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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