she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this hospital has no fireball
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
