I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
