so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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