You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
