shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
