Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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