i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
