you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
