I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
