Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What a dumb baby whore.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Two words: blizzard sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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