My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
