eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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