the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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