I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
