I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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