It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
