I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
