That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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