Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
porn star boner night. come get it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
