i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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