I hate your face
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize