it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
