I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
