At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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