laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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