I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need water and some morals
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
