Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
