Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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