Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
