I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
