i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I look better un-naked...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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