Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
