Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
