lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
